Counseling a Child of Divorce Before It's Too Late

A little parenting help, by way of counseling a child of
divorce at school, can be a big relief to newly divorced
parents.

A typical example follows: One morning, I recall arriving
at school in time to hear a mother, who we’ll call,
Eileen, talking to her daughter’s teacher in a rather sharp
tone of voice. As I passed by, I noticed the tone changing
to outright anger. Meanwhile, since the bell had just
rung, all the teacher’s students were lining up outside the
classroom, along with a few parents who were looking to
speak with the teacher as well.

Fortunately, I knew Eileen and her daughter, Jessica, who
I was seeing for counseling in a child of divorce therapy. I
caught the teacher’s eye. By now she looked like the,
proverbial, deer in the headlights, harried by Eileen and
surrounded by kids and parents. Jan, Jessica's teacher,
gave me that look that told me it was okay to intervene.
I quickly asked Jan if I could take Eileen and Jessica to
my office where they could privately discuss the situation
with me. Jan looked at Eileen and, as soon as Eileen
realized it was me, she breathed a sigh of relief and the
three of us went to my office. Looking back toward Jan as
we retreated to my office, I saw her clasp her hands in a
prayer of thank you. This is how good teacher-counselor
communication works at its best in the school system.

Due to the fact Eileen needed to go to work, she quickly
related to me how, the previous day, one of the other girls
in the class had forbade Jessica from playing basketball
with some of her friends. Jessica returned home in tears
that evening. The two girls experienced challenges in the
past and Eileen felt that the teacher favored the other
girl. What's more, Jessica claimed the teacher favored the
other girl. To make matters worse, Jessica had recently
transferred to fourth grade a month ago, at the beginning
of the school year. So she already felt out of place,
even though she'd been referred for counseling in a child of
divorce therapy.

Complicating matters still more was the fact Eileen had
recently separated from her husband. To put it mildly, the
separation proved challenging to her and her family. All
this history, I had in mind as Eileen spoke to me. Hence,
I knew her anger was not just due to this situation, but the
fact she was stressed to the maximum. I realized my job was
to act like a pressure release valve for her and give her a
little parenting help through counseling in a child of
divorce therapy.

As Eileen finished telling her story, she turned to Jessica
and demanded, “Jessica, you tell the counselor what you
told me that the teacher likes the other girl better.”

Jessica, looking up at me, smiled squeamishly. “Well, the
other girl, Lori, wouldn’t let me play. So I told the
teacher. Mrs. Daley said she couldn’t get me into the game
because the bell had rung.”

“You told me the teacher took Lori’s side?” Eileen
countered.

“I guess,” continued Jessica, staring at the floor.

“That’s not how it happened?” asked Eileen in disbelief.

“No.”

“Good job telling the truth, Jessica,” I congratulated. We
can talk about this more, Jessica, in counseling a child of
divorce, if you want."

Jessica smiled a yes, and soon skipped off to class. Eileen
stared at me, shaking her head. Then tears came to her
eyes. “It’s been so hard, for all of us, with the divorce
and all. I can’t be both mom and dad. I can’t do it
all.”

Without the aid of a little parenting help from counseling
a child of divorce, the impasse with the teacher might
have escalated to the principal or, even, the school board.

Eileen was doing a fantastic job adjusting to divorce,
working and raising her child, and I assured her of that.
I knew she was coming along just fine because she was aware
of what all the stress was doing to her and her family.
What's more, she was learning new parenting skills to help
her cope with the new family situation. Even though Eileen
was successfully adjusting to divorce, she still felt
overwhelmed at times. Through counseling a child of divorce,
she received the assurance she needed to continue on.

Her daughter, Jessica, had lied because she just wanted a
little more attention. Because I’d had the honor of working
with such a delightful family for almost a month, through
counseling a child of divorce therapy, Jessica was able to
be truthful in my presence and the problem resolved itself
without me saying a word. I was able to understand the
problem because Eileen had confided her worries to me in
counseling a child of divorce therapy.

At the beginning of the school year, Eileen felt
overwhelmed, but, as the year progressed, she began to cope
better and by mid year, things were going a lot smoother.
This illustrates how a little parenting help from a school
counselor can make a big difference to parent and child?

The aforementioned event occurred within counseling a child
of divorce therapy, but a little parenting help is often
needed by non-divorced families too, particularly when the
normal challenges of life become a bit overwhelming.

To summarize:


  • Family challenges at home can worsen problems at school.

  • A little counseling and parenting help can prevent a
    small problem from becoming a big one.

  • Understanding the problem, the learning of new parenting
    skills, along with a little reassurance from the counselor
    helps parents cope better when overwhelmed.

  • Note that this family had done everything right in
    seeking immediate help through counseling a child of
    divorce. Unfortunately many families fail to seek help as
    soon as possible or "sooner" and, all too often, the result
    is a kid whose emotional life is severely damaged to the
    point where he fails in school and eventually turns to
    drugs or alcohol. Don't let this be your child. Seek help
    now from a mental health practitioner.

    For counseling a child of divorce information click here.
    For parenting help in general click here.


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